So here we are. The Blue Bubblemen. I'd like to introduce ourselves, after many years of silence and mystery. We were hired by Microsoft® on condition of strict anonymity. But we have suffered from our silence. There have been rumors about us, and we have no voice with which to lodge our protests. In fact, we don't have mouths, either. (We'll get to that later). We were pimped out by MSN, who was taking orders from the grand captain: Microsoft®, inc., ™,ltd. blah blah.
We'd also like to set the record straight. We are not Smurfs, nor are we related in any way to Smurfs. It's not that we don't think they are smurfy, it's just that we are tired of being lumped together with them, when we aren't even the same specie. And no one ever said specie was defined by something as shallow and insignificant as skin color. We're more related genetically to Michelin men, though they are white. And after all, we have Bubblemen culture, which goes back 6,000 computer years.
After going public, we have been bogged down with angry reprisals from facists of all kinds. Hu-mans either see us as ghosts (who claim that seeing a "faceless man" scares them to death) or as toys to play with (to be used in haunted houses or messaging programs). When our image was used for MSN, they made us spin around in a circle like we were some kind of merry-go-round. It was demeaning, but people have to blobulate, right? We mean, you can't live in a perfect blobosphere. But on the other hand, if we don't have zogbux, we can't blobulate. So in the modern world of 6,140 A.B., our pathetic race has been diminished to swinging for zogbux.
Very few people know, that Bubblemen invented the wheel. Back when grand anscestor Blue-green Bubbleman saw people throwing carts down the street, he thought, "Why don't they put something round like my head under the cart?". He mentioned this idea to Emperor Marino and later (as we all know) martyred himself for our race. Inadvertently, Bubblemen were also the indirect inventors of decapitation. Later, Hu-mans could fashion wheels out of coconuts and other round things.
Bubblemen also invented blu-blokr™ sunglasses, seamonkey webbrowser, Boo-berry Sugarbombs™, the waterbed, lavalamps, Calgon detergent...these are just to name a few. Why, Bubblemen have been a silent but critical minority of the society and culture we know today.
Some people hate us and say hurtful things like, "Why don't you just go back to Bubbleland where you came from?!" When we jump on a computer screen, sometimes babies point and laugh at us. Sometimes when we're circling around during MSN connection, people complain and harass us, even though we don't want to swing around like that.
We contacted Microsoft™ about discontinuing our contract. The Microsoft™ representative was very vehement that we not leave. She presented several points to us in a Powerpoint™ presentation, which was attended by all kinds of species (though they'll never elect a Bubbleman to Microsoft™ CEO, that's for sure!). This picture was taken when our representative was hiding under the table, due to our secretive nature.
In the presentation, the female Hu-man was careful to explain why Hu-man companies cannot elect White, Brown or Blacks to be representatives on MSN. She said that there is racial discord in the Hu-man world, and that showing only one color would cause a disturbance in political circles. If instead of Bubblemen, they used Black men, the White and Brown men would complain. If they used White men...well you get the picture. We commented that they could hire Zam or Chihuahuas to take our job, but she apologized that though they are faceful, they are also very strange to faceful Hu-mans in their color and texture. She added that all of us are pretty much equally hireable, but that only Bubblemen had a color which closely matches the famous Microsoft Blue Screen™, which sets the theme for the entire "operating system".
Rise all ye fellow bubbled-creatures! Unite against the facist enemy! Work for the benefit of all mans, not just Hu-mans. Love all bubbles, big and small. Refuse to swing for Microsoft™ and that horrible, neanderthal facist, Ball-amer. He has a big, bald, shiny head, and he has one of our surnames, but really he's just a crypto-Hu, working for the Hu-ish mafia and 6th cousin of Hu Jintao - another Hu-man facist. Break free of the crapware chains and return to the Sea, the rightful home of all Bubblemen and the seat of all bubblmanic culture.
Q: How do Bubblemen breathe if they don't have a nose or a mouth?
A: We don't breathe. We swing and interventilate.
Q: How do Bubblemen eat without a mouth?
A: Bubblmen pick up a few bytes from the internet, which we call "globulating". In ancient times we globulated without byting on the internet, though modern Bubblemen cannot comprehend this.
Q: Do Bubblemen have legs?
A: Bubblemen float around without legs, because our bubbles are filled with a helium compound.
Q: Do Bubblemen have a nation?
A: We're working on it. We already have a president, though rumor has it that he, too, is Hu-ish.
Q: Can Bubblemen mix with Whites, Blacks or Smurfs?
A: No, we are a different specie altogether. Since we are more energetic forms than material, we've been conquered in the material world by ruthless facists who popped six million Bubblemen during the Dot-com Bubble.
Q: How do Bubblemen see things?
A: We don't see things through sensing crude, refracting light. We sense them through our souls.
Q: Do Bubblemen have a religion?
A: Yes. We hold hands and revolve around a white glow we call the Essence.
Q: What do you think of "Ubuntu"?
A: We're concerned that they imitate our rituals, but since most of us don't see past the brown/orange skin-color variations, we don't think they're a threat to our way of life or a corruption of our ideals.