When looking at all these appliances, I have to think of my just out of Nanjing self as Unfrozen Caveman.  

On the right is the baby monitor (a thing I've never seen before, the IS), a trail guide to Kauai'i, and a box of mysterious "poker cards" and "poker chips" which Ray Serious bought.  Oh I mean Ray Schubert

The house was huge and had like fifty places to shower and bathrooms everywhere.  It was bathroom heaven.  Unfrozen Caveman's bathroom, on the other hand, requires rigorous squatting.  It was installed because porcelein squat toilets are only ten bucks in China - as are many simple things from the '80's.

Aside from the curious throne-toilets, there were four other oddities that linger in my mind - a radiation-leaking nuke device (RLN), a scrap digestor with PVC esophogus (SD), a java processor (JP) and an infant spycam (IS). 

 

The RLN can transform bread into white rubber, and I hear it works great for carcinogenesis.  When rubberizing, a huge fan noise emanates throughout the kitchen, and inside the machine one can see the item being rubberized, spinning around and being bathed with a yellowish light.  It's like watching the Apollo moon landing or some other fantasy movie.

The SD takes the food you should have eaten, then growls it down into the bowels of the city itself.  The city then becomes fertilized and nourished, then burgeoning with bizarre vegetation like you see in Dr. Suess books.  And I guess belching explains those lava flows all over the island.  What an amazing dohickey that SD is!

The IS spies on underagers, which would seem to be an invasion of privacy.  Now these cameras have made it into the baby's bedroom, and it's perfectly acceptable in Hawai'ian society.  But you never know, she could try to take a bottle of water or shampoo in there - if she were a crazy Arab or something.  She looks Dutchy, but you can't use that evidence in Hawai'i because it's discriminatory.  She could have joined AlQaeda in the womb, then she could take a bottle of spring water into the crib and boom, which is why they need those IS's. 

Now the JP is a gurgling wonder.  It just burbles and mumbles to itself, then spits out a black liquid which many people claim wakes them up.  I suppose that in some other era I could take it up and see if it works, but until then I'll just wake up on my own. 

กก

Hawai'i

Family