Taunt no.1

 Merry Kisstmas, Mr. Dummypants.

 Mr. “I left my brain in bed this mornernoon.”

 Here’s a sexy box fer ya, black-red & bow-topped.

 Nasify the puckered ribbon.

 Is it like poison honey drunk in the Valley of Silk Boulders?

 Ah!  Not so fast.  Guessle it first.

 Does it gingle like jold or tangle like jin?

 Anyhoo it’s opened & visible now.

 Wow!  Dual-ring contraptions with a chain betwixt.

 They’re adjustable – one-size-fits-all.

 But the keys scintle up on cathedral’s spire.

 A kind of unihorn’s corntip

 aiming up and away from crude sledges,

 opposed to roof decorments for your downstares neighbor,

 Mr. Hades.

 The gift’s crispy receipt in yonder jet stream blows,

 Tho the store will gladly reset it

 with a sturdy, negative check from a misandrist judge.

 Merry Debtmas, Mr. Emptypants, and a happy Due Year.

Explanation of "Taunt no.1"

Taunt no.2